When a birth mother becomes pregnant unexpectedly, it’s totally normal for her to have a million questions rattling around in her head. This, in turn, makes it very easy for her to become overwhelmed with emotions -- especially fear, stress and confusion. Technological advances have made it increasingly easy for birth mothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy to find answers quickly, regarding the available options, yet it’s still important for you to do your research carefully and thoroughly. Deciding what to do isn’t something that should be taken lightly, as you don’t want to regret your choice later in life. Remember that too much stress is just as detrimental to your baby’s health and growth as it is to your own!
But don’t worry. Adoption Choices of Florida is here to help put your mind at ease. If you are considering placing your child for adoption, this resource is for you!
5 Frequently Asked Adoption Questions:
1. I just found out I’m pregnant and am considering adoption. What do I do next?
It’s much easier today than it has been in the past to find quick answers to our questions. Most people keep their phones within arm’s reach. At times, this can be helpful, but when you’re considering adoption, you must do your research carefully. To place a child for adoption is not an easy decision, nor is it a quick one!
A good place to start is by gathering information on local adoption agencies. Most agencies are available 24/7 to ensure easy access for anyone and everyone. It’s common for birth mothers experiencing an unplanned pregnancy to feel embarrassed when making contact with an adoption agency, but it’s important to keep in mind that the social workers and experts there WANT to help you! They, like you, only want what’s in the best interest of your child.
Once you’ve connected with our adoption center in Florida, you will essentially be able to get any and all questions answered there. Remember, we’re experts and will help to guide you through the entire adoption process, start to finish. Whatever your needs, our adoption agency will be there for you!
2. Can I choose my child’s adoptive parent(s)?
The answer to this question varies depending upon which type of adoption you choose for your child. There are three types of adoption -- open, semi-open and closed. Be sure to do research and ask questions about each one to see what fits best. This decision is perhaps one of the most important you’ll make throughout the adoption process!
Until recently, open and semi-open adoption were uncommon. Nowadays, these types are preferred because they allow for communication between the adoption triad, which consists of the child, the birth parent(s) and the adoptive family. Social workers and adoption experts alike agree that the more open communication between the triad, the better. Children who have been adopted often grow up with lots of questions surrounding their identity. Often these questions can be best answered by birth family, so it’s helpful if they’re already a part of the child’s life.
Closed adoption isn’t necessarily uncommon and is usually chosen when the birth and adoptive parent(s) wish to remain anonymous. Anonymity is chosen for a number of reasons, but is if often common among birth mothers who’ve become pregnant as a result of a sexual assault. In these cases, placing her child for adoption is a major part of her healing process!
3. Can I maintain contact and/or have a relationship with my child and the adoptive family?
If you choose open or semi-open adoption, then yes, you can! The key to its success is going to lie in the amount of communication between the triad. The more openly you communicate with each other, the more comfortable you’ll become and the more trust you’ll build. These qualities are essential to developing healthy and positive relationships with your child and his or her adoptive family.
Because of the confidentiality and anonymity aspects of closed adoption, it’s unlikely that you will develop a relationship with your child and the adoptive family. Be aware that once your child turns 18, he or she may decide to search for and/or make contact with you. It’s up to you to decide whether or not making contact with your child is something you’re comfortable with! In some cases, and usually later in life, a birth mother may decide she’d like to search for and make contact with her child. If you decide to do so at some point, there are resources available to help you.
4. Do I need to obtain consent from the birth father to place my child for adoption? What is the birth father’s role in the adoption process?
Generally, yes, you need to obtain the consent of your child’s birth father before placing the child for adoption. In some cases, however, it can be difficult to make contact with a child’s birth father. For example, if the pregnancy is a result of a sexual assault, if the birth father is unknown or if he is deemed unfit by a judge. In cases like these, exceptions are often made.
Birth fathers are often overlooked in the adoption process because, more often than not, they aren’t interested in being a part of it. The role of the birth father, however, is just as important as the role of the birth mother -- especially if he does decide to be involved in the adoption process. Involved birth fathers should always show interest in helping to make important decisions, always be supportive of the birth mother’s choices and always be comforting! He should have a voice, but keep in mind that any decisions to be made are ultimately yours, as you are the one who carries and births your child.
Again, even if your child’s birth father is uninterested, unsupportive, unfit or unknown, you must at least try to obtain his consent. He is, after all, the biological father of your child and should be made aware of your decision. Whether you have a positive relationship with him or not, it would be extremely painful for him to find out he fathered a child many years after his child’s adoption was finalized.
5. How much will adoption cost me? Do I get paid for placing my child for adoption?
You don’t have to worry about adoption costs! Placing a child for adoption is one of the most selfless acts, so often the adoptive family is more than happy to pay the birth mother’s medical expenses and hospital costs. This can include, but is not limited to your doctor’s visits and counseling, legal fees and so on. Our agency also has resources to help you pay for adoption costs, so you can focus on creating your adoption plan and on preparing for your due date.
Birth mothers often wonder whether they will be paid for placing their child for adoption because, for some, the reason they cannot raise their child is due to their current financial situation. The answer, unfortunately, is no. You will not get paid for placing your child for adoption. But again, any expenses, costs and fees that need to be paid for are typically taken care of by your child’s adoptive parent(s) and/or our adoption agency
Don’t be Afraid to Ask Questions!
Asking questions about adoption, like asking for help, can be difficult. Birth mothers experiencing unplanned pregnancy, especially, can struggle with both of these things. They often feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed because they feel like they’ve been irresponsible by getting pregnant at a time when they’re not ready for parenthood.
It can be difficult to get past these emotions -- some birth mothers never do -- which is why it’s helpful to keep at the forefront of your mind the importance of doing your research and getting to know your adoption agency. The more you know about them, the more you’ll trust them and the more confident you’ll become in asking questions and asking for help!
If you are a birth parent considering adoption, and have any questions or concerns about the process, please don’t hesitate to reach out. For more information on adoption, visit us at Adoption Choices of Florida or call us at: 800-985-8108