The decision to place a child for adoption is one of the most difficult choices any birth mother has to make. While you may be torn between your options, the decision should always revolve around what’s best for your child. A common question that would reach a birth mother’s mind is: “Will I regret this?” It’s understandable that this question would come to mind, but to understand and cope with your decision, take a look at the following recommendations in making this decision.
The most important part in deciding if you should place your child for adoption is understanding why you are considering adoption in the first place.
1 - Know why you are considering adoption, think about every aspect of the process, and consider which decision would provide the best life for both you and your child. Ask yourself where you want to be in the next few years and the life you want your child to have and determine how to best achieve that goal.
2 - Don’t rush the process. Take your time choosing the right place to help you through the adoption process – whether it be an adoption attorney or agency. This will help you feel comfortable with your decision and the people you choose to help you through this difficult time. Your questions should be answered in a timely manner to ensure you have all of the appropriate information. Remember, this decision doesn’t have to be made overnight, so finding an adoption service that you feel most comfortable with is very important.
3 - Placing your child for adoption is a brave and selfless decision, but for some it comes with great uncertainty. Whether it’s a support group or firsthand accounts online, hearing from other birth mothers can help put your mind at ease by letting you know what to expect during and after the placement. For some birth mothers, their concerns are more immediate, focused on the newborn’s health or their own emotional state after the birth. Other birth mothers may have long-term concerns regarding their child’s school or their career options. Either way, hearing a birth mother tell her story of how adoption ultimately helped her and her child is very encouraging; it’s amazing how far a few reassuring words can go.
4 - Make a list of the pros and cons, as knowing this information will help put things into perspective. No matter your decision, there will be both positive and negative outcomes. Understanding your options will help you determine if you can enjoy the pros and cope with the cons.
5 - Also, deciding the level of openness you’d like for the adoption can affect how you feel after the adoption process. There are different degrees of openness in domestic infant adoption, where you can decide how involved you want to be throughout the child’s life. The great thing about the flexibility of open adoption is you can decide how open you need the adoption to be to feel comfortable with your decision and then adjust as you go through various life changes.
Sometimes knowing that your child will be placed in a good home is enough. However, the fear of feeling regret is very common and natural in such a big decision like adoption. The best way to ease your mind and feel content with your decision is to take the time you need to make this informed and heartfelt decision and provide the best for you and your child.